Friday, April 30, 2010

What a week!

Where do I start? C's Dad got home from the hospital last night. We got a call in the middle of the night MOn. He went into anaphylactic shock and was rushed to the hospital. He was having breathing problems and his tongue and face was swollen. If he had waited much longer to go to the hospital, lets just say he was lucky. God answered our prayers and he is on the mend and will never take Augmentin again.

C's Aunt has also been in the hospital, very sick. I was staying with her a lot because her children didn't seem to care what was going on. The doctor was filling me in on her situation, asking me if I had any questions. I had one. Where are her children? She is doing much better and back in the nursing home and I will see her when I work tomorrow.

Both of these situations made me think of my mother. I had not spoken to my mother in months. What is my mother were in the hospital? Who would be with her? Certainly not me. I had sworn her off. I had declared that I could not have a relationship with her because it would be upholding the lifestyle that my brother lived, the brother that she allowed to live with her.

That was my story and I was sticking to it. I felt I was justified. I felt God was on my side. He would not want me to be around people whose lifestyles were so shady. Is that right? Should I never speak to my mother again? Suddenly I felt compelled. With no warning I called my mother and asked her to come home and spend the night with me and my daughter. She came without hesitation.

We had dinner,we played on the swingset, we read books, we actually had a great night.

My daughter had her Nanny back, if only for that day. They laughed and played. My daughter sees no fault in her. She sees her fun Nanny who used to give her bubble baths and tickle her. E had the best time, wanting my mom to tuck her in, asking if she would be there when she woke up.

I don't know what will happen or how long I can have any semblance of a normal relationship with my mother. For now I will pray that my mom will see in herself what my daughter sees and allow herself to know a love that is pure. For me I only know that I seem a little less angry inside. Maybe I am letting a few things go.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Leave no Incriminating Evidence

I had a lovely evening with some ladies and shared in some very interesting conversations. Out final conversation ending with discussions of my husband still using a baby monitor and allowing our 4 year old daughter to indulge in milk and movies and chips and books whenever she wakes up in the middle of the night and the notion hits her. So, I come home.

I take some groceries in and move quietly into the living room where I see the lovely red glow of the baby monitor who is still trucking after 4 years. I unplug it. I get changed, get into bed and wake my husband to tell him the monitor is off. "Why?," he asks. " Because" I say. I nestle into bed and turn on the TV to unwind and what to my wondering eyes does appear but Nickelodeon and Mi ho Kilan or however you spell it, I am not familiar with Chinese. I awake him yet again. "She has been up?" I ask. "Just once." he replies. "This has got to stop" I say.

I will let you sleep tonight dear husband, but tomorrow, we talk!