I Don't Blog

I don't blog. Tonight I blog.

I am a bit confused about things. I am starting school in Jan. It's not because I thirst for knowledge or some really academic reason. It is totally self serving for our family. I need to get a bachelors degree to get any kind of nursing job that does require back labor, as my back has had enough. Five years and I've had enough. Man, I feel old. We will eventually need more money than my few hrs a week brings in. That is if Emily has a thirst for knowledge and hopefully attends a college of some nature.

My problem is timing. Do I take time away from Emily now to be at home more later and be available when she is in school? Oh the dilemmas of a good parent. I could be a parent like many women I know and do everything I want when I want and never put her into the equation.

It will all work out. I will put it Gods hands.

On a side note, I have an addiction, I am addicted to that stupid Farmville game on Facebook and I need some help to break the habit!

Baking Queen

I love the little things in life. I love pumpkin rolls. I have always been scared to make them, thinking they were too hard. Today I made one and it was super easy and very tasty. I also made a Halloween cake using homemade fondant. That was actually pretty easy too. I love Halloween and fall. I love staying at home with Em. I love Coleman.

Today we were talking about how much we wanted another baby. Coleman was saying I could stay at home with "out girls." We also talked about what a great big sister Em would be. I thought I had moved on from wanting another child, but the older Em gets, the more I know I have more love to share.

I am cutting my hrs back to 8 hrs a week. Is that insane or what? I think not. This is what I think. I think you live once. Your children are young once. Money is only money. Children will remember story time over SUVs and Coleman rocks. Oh happy day!! Any one want some pumpkin roll?

Fall Approaching

So, for me and Emily fall has arrived. Forget the calendar. We don't need that. That is for "other people." For us, fall is a state of mind. It is filled with freshness and a crispness. It is filled with pumpkins and leaves and decorations, parties, fairs, festivals, friends, family, and fun. This weather in invigorating. I have opened up the windows in the house lately and let the breeze flow in. At night the chill will hit and I will have to grab a warm blanket and curl up on the couch. Yeah!! Sock time is coming. I can bust out my awesome array of socks. We have the whole house decked out. Emily has already worn 2 of her 3 pair of Halloween pajamas. She even wore them out in public. We were getting a few looks. Yes, I know it is only the beginning of Sept. Who cares. So what if it looks like a pumpkin puked at our house. It makes us happy. I am just glad Em shares in my enthusiasm for this lovely holiday and time of year.

A few other things. Em sat through a whole movie. We watched all of Ice Age. She did great! She also can write her first name and A-J of the alphabet. She knows when her birthday is and the months of the year. Okay, so I am bragging a little, but that is what mothers' are supposed to do.

I had to go back to work after being off for a couple of weeks. Em said"I don't want you to go. I want to keep you." I think I will keep her too.

Story time started back at the Library. What a wonderful thing. I love taking Em. We have been going since she was a little over 1. The librarian is great. Then they have pajama story time. Too cool! Kids are so much fun. (Most of the time)

On a darker note, Emily did tell me she hated me this week. I ask myself where did I go wrong? I answer myself Spongebob. Damn you Spongebob and your pottymouth.

Summer Funk

So, I have not blogged in a while. Here goes.
The summer has been trucking along and I have been in a funk. This funk seems to have started after we got back from our trip to the beach. It was so carefree and I felt so relaxed at the beach. I felt good physically too! That may have had something to do with Coleman’s favorite punch. Just kidding! My sister who takes a trip to TN every other week say she does it just to escape. She says things are different when you are in a different place. Well, whatever. That is not an option for people who live in the real world and actually pay a mortgage and have an ounce of responsibility. So, I will have to find a way to de-funk right here.
My mood further deteriorates a week before “my cycle.” I’m talking like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I honestly don’t see how Coleman and Emily can stand being around me. I am almost too much for myself.
Compounding my funk is the fact that my hip has been killing me. I have arthritis and have been diagnosed since I was 22. Well, I joined the gym and have been exercising. I have honestly been trying to lose weight and help alleviate some of the discomfort on my own. Turns out I have been doing more harm than good. I have actually pulled the muscle in my hip and some Dogie Houser MD tells me to stay out of work for 2 weeks and use crutches. The staying home thing, no problem. Crutches, um no. I can’t do it. He then proceeds to tell me I am severely overweight and need to lose 60 ponds. Excuse me? Did you say 60? I don’t think that I would even look recognizable if I lost that much. I ask how he would like me to exercise if he says that I can’t use weights or any equipment. He says these are all bad on my joints. He says long term I should try swimming and that I could lose the weight on diet alone. The jerk tells me “Next time pick the 12 oz steak instead of the 16.” Talking about pissed.
Okay now I am going to let it all go. This is where I am going to put things in perspective. I should suck it all up. Stop pouting, stop complaining. Think of the things that I do have and stop focusing on negative things. This is when I need those people in my life who really care about me to tell me when I am being unreasonable and a tool. Just don’t let me get away with things.
I am thankful first for having my husband and daughter. Some of my friends and family have lost both. Who am I to complain about trivial things when they have experienced such a loss. I am thankful that my husband is a kind man that never judges me, never demands or makes me feel inferior. We are a team and a great one, I think. Marriage is a wonderful, sacred thing. Too many people today think of it as disposable. Some think of husbands and even children like the latest accessories. No different than their Suburban or the newest flat screen TV. Those things all lose their shine and luster. Well marriage isn't about shine and glitz. It is about two people who have chosen to share their lives together. It is more than the church, the dress, the official paper. It is about the commitment to each other and to GOD. If you remember what brought you two together, reminisce about when you first met, those butterflies, although not fluttering wildly are still there. When you look at him on a tractor with an old hat after 10 years and think “Damn, he’s hot.,” that passion is still there.
Okay, I’m rambling, But my point is I am looking at the blessings in my life and being thankful. I am thinking that if Coleman and I show Emily that we love each other, she will see what love is and what a marriage should be. I am done for now!

Relationships

So, we all have relationships. Many different kinds. We have family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances to name a few. Within these categories we can go even further.

For instance, within my family of my mother father brother sister type thing, there is but one of those relationships that still exists in a true sense, in a I am in this relationship because I love you and not because of what you can do for me sense. You see my brother knows me, I know him. I can tell him I don't like what he's saying. He can tell me to wake up and smell the bad idea in front of my face. No offense taken. I guess we get each other. We expect things from other people. For this we have been called snobs. So as not to assume he agrees with me on every issue I shall say I from henceforth.

I expect people to tell the truth. I expect people to put their children first. I expect people to be nonjudgmental. I expect people to whenever possible keep their promises. I expect those who love you to show it and I don't mean in the here is $1000 sorta way. Not too many unreasonable requirements, but the reason nonetheless for my lack of family and friends.


It has taken the birth of my daughter 3 1/2 years ago to understand true love, true commitment. My daughter is without doubt my top priority. She is my responsibility. What I teach her, what I allow her to see, hear and the people I allow her to be around all directly impact her. So, I guess if being selective of my friends and even family because their choices are less than ideal is snobbish then I will wear that label proudly. I will hold my nose up high and let the rain poor in because I don't want my daughter visiting a grandmother who lives with 3 crack heads and wonders why my daughter isn't allowed there.

Do I sound angry, bitter? Well , maybe I am angry. Angry because I have to justify why I feel the need to take the higher road and make a better life for me and my family. Why am I the bad guy because I don't want my child to learn the vocabulary of a sailor or how to talk back to me? Is it wrong to want to protect her for as long as I can from all that I can? There are decisions to be made in the intersts of good mothers and fathers everywhere and I will be making them!! Sorry to offend but it appears that is my way. The only thing that matters is that I know what I'm doing is right and it is all good with me and GOD. I'm pretty sure he is on board for limiting contact with people who are drug addicts, biggots and raccists.

Tell Me No More Lies

So, does a 3 1/2 yr old know how to lie? Does she possess in her skill set deceitfulness, dishonesty, and an uncanny knack for pulling the wool over other eyes. The jury is out on this one.



The other day Em spent the majority of the day in the corner. Don't worry. She was provided nourishment and potty breaks. In fact, the reason for being in the corner stemmed from nourishment and potty breaks.



Lie #1 We were having PB&J for lunch. I told Em she had to eat. So, I got up to get something. I come back and she is chewing. I mean really chewing, An abnormal chew if you will. Increasingly abnormal since there is a devilish grin and the sandwich is strikingly still square for a sandwich that has been bitten. She proceeds to tell me "I am eating I am." Lie ! In the corner she goes.



Lie#2 I tell Em to use the potty. She starts washing her hands and says "I did potty I did Mom." Lie!!! In the corner she goes.





I do discuss with her what she has done and what lying is, but I just don't think it is getting through.



Not a lie, just funny. She accidentally pooped in her pants. She said,"I told that poop no sir you stay in there, but it said, no ma'am and came anyway." Hee hee!

Hodge Podge Beach Trip

OK, so follow closely. I am at the beach with my childhood friend whom I have known since I was 6, her two boys, her brother-in-law, his three children, my friend's childhood friend and her daughter and my husband and daughter. To do the math for you 7 children 5 adults.

How may you ask do this little conglomerate of people come about. Well, it started with my dear friend who has a great heart who doesn't like to admit it. She is thoughtful, kind and the strongest person I know and I am not just writing that because she is probably the only person who is going to read this. She made this trip possible and to her I give much thanks.

I have to admit I was a bit nervous about this vacation before leaving, wondering how all these personalities would mesh together. I thought maybe there would be too many people. That was not the case at all.

This trip has been very much what I needed. What did we do you ask? Nothing. We went to the beach every day. We sat and watched the waves come in. For future reading when I say we I don't necessarily mean all of us. We had Coleman's famous punch. (Yes all of us.) We watched J's favorite movie Twilight after some punch which made it seem a bit juvenile, or was it all along? The world may never know. We played Scrabble and I think Coleman realized he can actually spell better than he thought. The little girls had a miniature golf night out. Emily loved it. She even got a hole in one. In fact all the kids did. Em was on her best behavior and slept through the night. She took her first shower. She frolicked in the ocean until her heart was content. She and her Dad collected seashells all day. Coleman found the perfect shell with the shape of a heart.

All in all I could not have asked for a more restful peaceful vacation, but I did feel a beet guilty. I felt bad for having my husband there with me . As if I were flaunting my family in the face of others whose families were missing a piece of the puzzle. My eyes often welled up when I would look and see my friend alone on the beach when there should have been a seat next to hers. I often wondered what thoughts went through the minds of two little boys when they saw all the other Dads on the beach. Then, we would start to talk of T and although I didn't know him that well I would begin to get a glimpse of him. It was as if a part of him was there. It was as if he had brought us all together. I think in fact GOD did bring us all together. A wonderful vacation!!!