A mothers love?

7/30/08
It is true that we cannot choose our parents. We did not ask to be brought forth into circumstances that are to put it mildly less than desirable. Call it fate, a divine power, whatever you wish but some power beyond our control saw fit to present us with these particular obstacles. We are however not without choice. To quote someone close to me “she is all that she is because of her mother, I am who I am in spite of my mother.” Parents can affect us so profoundly yet have no impact at all. I struggle daily with anger, resentment, confusion, sadness and loss. Longing for a childhood that never was and a now that could be, but will never live up to any semblance of acceptable. Do I expect too much of people? That a mother should nurture and protect her child? That a caress from your mother feel comforting and not awkward and contrite? How much do you hold on to that role of daughter? Do you let the people that are supposed to be your family suck the very air from you or give yourself to those who love and appreciate you for the person you are? I miss my mother. Where did she go? Lost in a world that never really existed. A brother lost to drugs. His soul is gone. A mere shell of what could have been, failed by a mother that fails him still, hiding behind a cloak of love. To my brother David I applaud you. Nothing forced or rehearsed. I love you for you.