To play GOD or not to play GOD?

To those who know me it is no secret that Em is a bit spoiled. Yes, I said a bit. don't laugh. A lot of that comes with the territory of being an only child and an only grandchild. Since she was 6 months old we have been trying to have another baby, to no avail. After batteries of tests, the doctors have said there is really no reason for us not being able to conceive. After all, we have Em. There wasn't much effort put into getting pregnant with her. It happened right after I went off the pill. Coleman is an only child and while his childhood was just fine, it is his later adulthood that he is concerned with. He wonders who is going to be around to recount those memories of his parents when they are passed on. His concerns and questions are valid and are some of the same things that run through my head. I was at a friends' house the other day and saw Em playing Barbies with her little girl. She had that little pretend voice that little girls do. The prince was riding in on a horse to save the princess. I realized this was the first time I had seen Em "pretend" like that. Her other friends just aren't into that sort of play. It broke my heart and I teared up. For better or worse my sister was there to play Barbies with me growing up, even if my Mom did make her stop playing with me because she was showing me how Barbie and Ken could get "close."

So now I am faced with a dilemma. Do I sink all of my money, energy, hope, and time into a doctor in the hopes of conceiving another child? Am I being selfish? Shouldn't I be satisfied with this beautiful, healthy daughter I have and leave well enough alone? Is it playing GOD to mess with all of this? You see in all this I am a bit angry as well. Angry that we live in a society that I have to pay $20,000 to adopt a child that no one wanted. I am praying and maybe I will find my answer. All I know is that I will not let this be my focus. I will focus on the blessings that I have and see where my life leads me.