A perfect day

Well Halloween has always been a favorite of mine, but there was something different about this one. Today was a beautiful day full of life, laughter and love. I started off the day by taking a drive with just me and Coleman. We had been trying to find a man who makes tiny replicas of tobacco barns. His dad grew up on a tobacco farm and he had always wanted one of these little miniature barns. Well last night I was searching the web and found an article about the man. I called him this morning and he only lived about 30 mins from us. So we drove up to the lake and bought his dad one for Christmas. Things like this make me very happy. It was a beautiful drive and I had great conversation with C, which is something we haven't had a lot of time for lately. When we get home I received a gift I had ordered for his mother in the mail. A vera bradley bag regularly $90 and I paid $30. Again very excited. Then we went to a lovely Halloween party at my friend J's house. She is awesome, the party was awesome, trick or treating was awesome. Today was a wonderful day and I am blessed beyond belief . I am thankful for my wondeful family and friends.

A Bad Weekend

Well, another day passed and I found myself at the bedside of another dying person. A person who touched my life in many ways and who I would like think that I had touched. It is hard to be a nurse and see people pass away all around you and come back the next day and do it all over again. When they are older it doesn't seem to bother me as much. I guess I feel that they have lived their lives. When they are so young it is hard for me to grasp. His little girl was 9, only 3 years younger than me when my dad passed. I looked at her eyes and saw me. A scared little girl not sure what the future held or what had just happened. One minute we are here and the next we are gone. Life is short and should be spent cherishing every moment. I suppose that is easier said than done. C is a believer, but has never been saved. I don't know how I would deal with the thought of not being able to see him again. I try not to push him, but we are not promised tomorrow. Do I get too attached to people? Should I not become so involved? Does that make it easier to bear or is that denying who I am? I had lunch with my mother today. Do I let go of my anger about that situation and just let it be? Oh well too many rambling thoughts for today, but at least they're out of my head for now.

I am sad

I didn't grow up knowing what I was going to be when I grew up. It wasn't until later in life that I was led down the path of being a nurse. We all have reasons for choosing certain paths, but somehow I think GOD chose this path for me. Tonight I was not a nurse. I was a daughter, a friend, and a very sad person. I have not touched the hand of a person who has died since my father passed when I was 12. Tonight I held tightly to a woman that, although I didn't know for very long touched me. Her cold hand in mine I was no longer a nurse but feeling what her daughter felt as she stood there and looked at her mother who not hours ago was playing with her grand baby. GOD put us in each others paths so we might touch each other. May we not go blindly about our lives, our work. Stop to think of the lives of those around us and how we can make them better, brighter, if even for a little while. As I go to sleep tonight I am sad and thankful at the same time. I will be praying for my other buddy. They don't tell you this part in nursing school.

THe failing economy blah blah blah

I am quite frankly tired of hearing everyone around me talk about the state of the economy and who is to blame. People say it is Bush, the Republican, the Democrats, the walstreet tycoons, but yet no one seems to see the obvious. We are responsible. We, the greedy people of the United States. TLC and HGTC are to blame. Everything has consequences. The 30 some things or our country are to blame. We have grown accustomed to absurd things. We expect things that are frivolous and unnecessary. How many of us have been watching one of those stupid home makeover shows and heard someone respond to a brand new kitchen by saying “We would totally have to redo everything. We need granite and stainless appliances.” Um, no. You don’t need those things. Do they add genuine value to your life. Do they make your kids look back and say “Gee my childhood was awesome. I has granite countertops.“ I think not. Why does everyone expect to dry huge SUV’s but seem surprised when they amass a huge sum on credit card because they can’t afford the gas? Why do families of 4 think they need 3400 sq. feet? Why do mothers have children but think it is someone else’s responsibility to raise them? We as a nation have shown that material things and status are what is important. It is more important to sign our 3 year olds up for all these cute programs so we look involved than spend some quality time with them. I don’t mean to rant and I am not in any way blameless. I have done my part to contribute to this period of disarray, but I do know what is important to me. It is not granite counter tops, Vera Bradley bags, zip codes where you lives, designer clothes, fancy play groups, immaculate houses, or self absorbed people. The things that are important to me are my freedom, my family, my friends, GOD, being kind to others, and living in a country where I am able to say all of this.

My little girl is not so little

Well E is not so little anymore. I guess this just didn't happen over night. We went to the ZOO the other week and she rode the Merry-Go-Round. I thought she was going to freak out so I started her out slow on the giraffe that didn't do up and down. It wasn't long before she was ready for the spinning nest. Then she was on to the elephant that went up and down. She was such a big girl. She walked a lot of the way. So we went to the fair and she spotted the Merry-Go Round. Of course she wanted to ride that. This one was, however, not quite as nice. She rode this. Then she spotted the train. I asked if I could ride with her, but the attendant informed me I was to big. Well, she rode all by herself. It was the cutest thing.
As E was taking her bath tonight she says “Momma, I need to shave my back.” I looked down at the dark brown fuzz on her back and laughed. Before you know it she’ll be shaving her legs. She had pictures at her daycare today. What? Is she old enough for that? She is emerging into an opinionated spirited little lady. She says last night “I’m a good dancer mom. Want to see my spinning kick?” Where did that come from? She makes me laugh, smile and want to pull my hair out on a regular basis. She is the most rewarding part of my life. I treasure every moment. I only hope that God will see fit to give her a brother or sister to share life with.

The Ups and Downs of Motherhood

Well I have never been accused of having an abundance of patience but lately the supply has been even more depleted. E will be 3 in a few months but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to reason with a teenager.My husband says it's like watching me talk to myself. We are a lot alike. We both have some anal, gotta have things just so traits. I have come to the conclusion that those moms that pretend that their children are angels all the time and life is always blissful are the ones who aren't really raising their children. Parenting is hard work. It's not something you can just do from 6pm til 8pm at night. I think that E gets tired of being around me sometimes. We have been paying for daycare for a few months to take her 1 day a week. I was convinced she needed some interaction with other kids since we live in the middle of nowhere and kids are few and far between in these parts. I end up keeping her home with me because I just want to spend the time with her. I think it might be better for the both of us if she did go one day a week. Moms do need mommy time. There is nothing wrong with that. I do think there is something wrong with not working and putting your child in daycare 5 days a week. So I work only on the weekend and E stays at home with Daddy. It seems when she has a little break from me she enjoys the time we spend together more. Monday we had a great day. While she was on the potty she looks up at me and says "Mom you are my best friend." That makes it all worth while